Families can offer compassionate touch to a loved one who is suffering from a serious illness as well as the debilitation of age. Touch with positive intent can help calm fears and ease pain, but it also enables the family to connect and communicate with the loved one. Massage administered to the neck, shoulders, arms, and the back before receiving medical treatments, such as chemotherapy, can help your loved one relax and prepare for the treatment. Donna Williams shares a cancer patient's reflections on receiving massage, "Being touched made me feel that life could still be beautiful (Williams 75)."

Aging, Death, and Dying

"Due to the fear of aging in our society, the touch that has nurtured and comforted us as children begins to diminish in adulthood and by our later years has dwindled for many to the merest trickle of tenderness or affection" (Lidell, Cooke, Porter 158). Massage in the later years can help to soothe depression, lower blood pressure, nurture the skin as well as alleviate loneliness. Massage can be given while loved one is in a chair or in the bed. Use pillows for support and comfort. Massage can be administered clothed or unclothed. Remember to keep the room and the body warm. You may need to use more oil as the skin becomes more dry and thin with age. Light pressure is applied rather than deep stroking.

There may be times when massage is not feasible. "Holding-touch" or "above body touch" is an alternative to massage. Steven Levine says this well in his book, A Gradual Awakening, "Instead of speaking aloud, we find we can send thoughts silently through the heart. At first, being completely honest, we might find ourselves saying, "I don't even know how to do this, but here I am. What I'm trying to do is send love, send care to you through my heart. I'm not trying to change you, I'm just loving you as best I can (Levine 150)."

Head to Heart to Hands

There are times when touching is not feasible. "Above Body Touch" may be offered by "touching" the energetic body just above the physical body.

Clear your head and focus on your loved one. Place your hands above your loved one's physical body and think of loving, healing, thoughts. Visualize a white light surrounding you and your loved one. Feel the light coming through your head and forming a beautiful, glowing, ball of light in your heart. Imagine the light flowing through your arms and your hands to your loved one. If your arms tire prop them on pillows.

Caring for aging parents, a terminally ill spouse, family member, or a life long friend can be one of life's most stressful experiences. Life, as one knows it, is turned upside down. Role reversals are hard to accept for both caregiver and patient. The changes that are forced upon both caregiver and patient are challenging. Often the patient and/or the family is in denial. Until the patient or family is able to accept the reality it is difficult to grieve and heal. The caregiver may avoid the truth because he or she fears pain and/or death. The silent communication through massage can help calm the fears and bring the family into the moment.

Compassionate touch is powerful. The knowledge of "how to touch" is not as important as "touching with love in your heart." Often when normal communication is interrupted communication through compassionate touch connects, communicates, and consoles.